Energy Flows Where Attention Goes
What do you want your life to be like? Sometimes when I ask this question to my clients their responses go something like this…”Well! I don’t want to feel so anxious all the time,” or “I don’t want to work so much” or “I don’t want to feel so fat”. They answer in the negative. Often it’s easier to be clear about what you don’t want than to be clear about what you do want. Which is fine! We have often been taught to look at things through a negative lens, but it doesn’t work very well when we’re setting goals or looking for change in our lives. It’s great to know what you don’t want as long as you use that information to get clear on what you do want.
Energy flows where attention goes. When we are giving attention to the things we don’t want then we’re likely to go toward those things. It’s like if you’re playing golf and you keep thinking “don’t hit it in the water” Guess where you’re probably going to hit it? If we concentrate on where we want to hit the ball...in the middle of the fairway, we’re more likely to hit it there. (of course, if you’re a beginner golfer like me the ball could go anywhere...but you know what I’m talking about).
Years ago, my husband and I were having some difficulties and I got scared. For days I was walking around saying to myself “I don’t want to get divorced...I don’t want to get divorced”. This self talk was not particularly helpful. It kept me in a state of fear and fear tends to get us stuck. When we have fear it triggers the fight, flight or freeze effect. So when we’re concentrating on the thing we fear we either fight with people, run away (physically or emotionally) or become paralyzed, curl up in a ball and can’t do anything. Although it was good to know that I didn’t want a divorce, it wasn’t until I asked myself what I did want that things started to shift. “I want a loving, happy relationship with my husband.” “I want to laugh and have fun” “I want more intimacy” Focusing on what I wanted brought more attention toward those things, and my husband and I started to have more fun again.
When you find yourself focusing on what you don’t want...turn it around. Literally say to yourself “OK. if that’s what I don’t want, what do I want?” When you get the answer, write it down, focus on it. Turn it into a vision board or write it on a sticky note and put it where you’ll see it. Make it your computer home screen. Focus on it and it will grow, you’ll notice it more when it shows up and you’ll find you are more creative and resourceful in figuring out how to get it.